I have been off radar for a while. I myself went into the Dangling Puppet phase. It took a while. Mostly denial. The journey to finding self took some time. It was awesome none the less.
I am learning to live my way. Finding my way became somewhat of an adventure. Like the Hermit Card. Walking this journey on my own.
Learning the law of life and how awesome life can be through my teacher Sherwin at House of Kite. He is also the Hermit in my journey. An awesome teacher with a good sense of humour.
I am currently in a phase which I call it a Flubber syndrome phase. Heard of Flubber? —>
Where it changes it’s form very easily, excited, sometimes confused, expands, stretched and back to original state. Sound like a bipolar? Nope. Nothing like that. It’s natural that we have different feelings and mood. The best part would be the ‘Aha’ moments when we understands how, what and why happened the way it is.
Coming from a traditional Asian family. There are a lot of conditioning, tradition, moral, humility, dos and don’ts.
Unlearn and relearn can be confusing and awesome at the same time. Why do I say that?
Example: Conversation I had with my teacher
Someone offer you help or offer you a gift I naturally say ” Aww… you don’t have to. It’s ok”.
Sherwin asked “Do you feel undeserving of receiving them?”
I thought about it, “No, I think I do deserve a gift once in a while.”
Then he responds “Then?”
An “Aha” moment. Later on that day, when I thought about it, whenever I was given something, I do felt bad, shy and guilty for god knows what reason I feel so. It was something most Asian families will do I thought.
After the conversation with my teacher I learnt worthiness. I will simply say thank you when someone offer me help or give me a gift. I find no reason of not deserving any help or gifts. I have to unlearn what the norm was for me in a typical Asian family. This does not mean Asian practice unworthiness knowing it is unworthiness. It merely meant we have forgotten what it was to be worthy. Yes, there is a difference.
So from today onwards, if someone give me a gift, I’ll say thank you. Accept with grace! You deserve it.
If I feel I did not do anything. It’s ok. It’s a way the person want to show me gratitude and thankfulness in their own reasons. Accept the gratitude and thankfulness in that form with open arms.
This new journey includes, learning to be happy. Learning to love. Learn the law of abundance. Learn how to express myself. Learn what feeling unworthiness may manifest. How could the feeling of guilt and shame affects our daily lives and much more.